The words you may never hear.

This is a bit like a letter to my parents. Everything I've been feeling for the past month is starting to boil over. I don't want this. I honestly am getting really tired of doing things for you. I don't want to be in school. Not that I don't want to learn. I do, but there are more ways to learn important things than through textbooks and lectures. I want to live and then go back to school when I'm ready. I'm terrified that I'm going to be stuck in NJ for the rest of my life. 10 or 20 years from now I don't want to look back and not feel satisfied and accomplished with my life. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my life. At this point I'm starting to worry I never will. I can't understand why I can tell people around me to stand up and yet I can't do it for myself. There are times when I really really wish I could just tell you what I'm feeling but I'm too scared you'll hurt me again. I know its inevitable because you won't agree with what I have to say. I know that we'll fight and argue and maybe even stop talking for a few months, because that's how it is. It's how we work. You won't let me have the chance to live. I want to explore and say that I've done something. And not just for you or anyone else. But for me. I always take the time to listen and help others and I love the satisfaction of it but at the end of the day I just wish I could have done something to help myself. I want to enjoy life not feel like I need to conform to satisfy others. Why? What's the point in living if I don't enjoy it? What should it matter if I'm doing what I love and happy? Isn't that satisfying to you enough? Why can't you let me be happy? Why can't you let me live? These questions run through my mind everyday. Maybe one day you'll hear them out loud. Whether it's by me growing the balls to say them, or me being pressured and angry enough to get them out. I want you to hear them. I want you to know how I'm feeling. Otherwise I'll be sitting here wallowing in my thoughts wishing you could hear me.
So these are the words you may never hear.

Mischief Managed.

About the Blogger

I figured that since I've been doing this blog for a while it's time for me to write some info on myself.

I'm currently in college for Creative Writing but I'm not sure what I want to do with it. I love Harry Potter! (in case you didn't notice) I'm also a big Anime/Manga fan. I cosplay and go to conventions (though not as may as I'd like). I have a passion for anything artsy; photography, drawing, painting, music...

Now to the more personal stuff: If you haven't already read any of my posts yet, then I'll warn you, a lot of the times I blog when I'm feeling a surge of emotions. Both happy and sad. I haven't had the easiest life nor do I expect it to get easier anytime soon. I find myself learning about my environment and myself everyday. I try to cherish everyday and while not everyday is happy there's always something to gain.

Anyways! I love learning about new people so feel free to comment! I love hearing opinions whether they're agreements or not. Hope you all enjoy!

Mischief Managed

Archaic ideals or realistic thinking?

This is just a response paper I wrote for my world civ class. I really felt like I had things to say about the topic and so I decided to post it! Let me know what you all think! 

 

Arranged Marriages: Archaic ideals or realistic thinking?

    The articles “India: The Family” and “No More MoonJune: Love’s Out” in Reading in Global History both explore the disadvantages as well as the advantages of arranged marriages. “India: the Family” explains the specific society and customs of India. It demonstrated the reasoning behind why India’s people prefer arranged marriages than the Western way of matrimony. The article “No More MoonJune: Love’s Out” discusses how love may not be the best choice for decided to marry someone. These articles started to make me think about what really makes a successful marriage and ask myself: Is love really enough?
    As a writer and self-proclaimed romantic I seriously thought going in I would disagree with arranged marriages. I didn’t think that there was anything good about them. Before reading the articles I had no real basis of understanding about why certain societies had arranged marriages. When I read the article about India and its customs I started to open my mind to the realization that they truly believe what they’re doing is right for the family as a whole. I think that one thing the United States seems to lack compared to the traditional societies is the importance of a whole group. Supporting the arguments of the article, “No More MoonJune: Love’s Out,” I believe that Americans are more selfish and only think of personal gain. As I was reading this article I could tell how cynic the writer was about love, but I couldn’t help but agree that there are some benefits of living in a society with arranged marriages. While I don’t agree completely that arranged marriages should be enforced nor do I think a marriage completely based on profit is good; I do think that people need to remember that just because you are in love with someone doesn’t mean that they are a beneficial thing for you. At least once in a person’s life they have to decide if they should choose what is good for them or what they want based on a mere feeling. If I were to look at a twenty year old women in an arranged marriage and compare her personality and way of thinking to a married women the same age in America; I would see how dependent the American women would be on their partner. As a twenty year old American girl I know just how much pressure there is on finding a mate and love as well. An arranged marriage is based on a specific belief, not on the satisfaction of the participating people. When I looked back at the factors that a family looks at when finding a mate for their family member I realized how similar the conditions were to a modern day search for a partner in life. Location, family environment, and place in society all are factors a person now would think about if they were interested in a long-term relationship with someone. Another thing American marriages have in common with arranged marriages is that it all boils down to a primitive want: to continue a blood line. In less archaic terms; create a family. One sentence that really hit me was, “everyone can find something to love, honor, and cherish in anyone else” (RGH 55). While arranged marriages don’t seem fair for at least one of the people involved, I can’t deny that an arranged marriage does force a person to actually find something positive in another. This is something I feel today’s American society has forgotten.
    All in all, I can’t say I completely agree with arranged marriages. However, I do think that people need to think realize that they need to look at how things affect others and not just themselves. Also I believe that people need to understand that is more to life than just self-satisfaction.

Mischief Managed

IWILL.

 Well I'm back home. I''m in an inspired mood today. This past summer has taught me so many things about life and myself. I went into camp thinking it was going to be just a job and came out with more things learned than the campers did. It has become another home to me. I've learned throughout my life that there are so many different places that I call home. It's no one solitary place; it's where you're loved and treated as an equal and pushed through your limits to expand your thinking and experiences. There is no one word I could use to describe my summer because it was that crazy. I've been shown that my dream is achievable and if I really want something I can just go for it. It may be completely crazy and unconventional but hell! if it's what I want, then that's all that matters. The friends I made at camp (as tacky as it sounds) are going to be my friends for life. So by this time next year I'm going to have gone to England. I'm going to travel and spend my time abroad and see where life takes me. I want to see the world...so I'm going to.

I guess you could also say that getting into a relationship with a guy that actually treats me well and cares for me has also added "fuel to the fire". I'm not sure where thing's will go but they're progressing and that's all that matters. I've been hurt too many times and I refuse to lose faith in love. Right when I was about to let go and give up; something surprising and exciting occurred. I put myself out there expecting rejection but was enlightened to hope once again.

I learned this summer not to take life for granted. I had the unfortunate experience of a death of a former teacher as well as a mother of a close friend. My friend's loss inspired him to do things he didn't think he'd ever do, which in turn, got me thinking. Why wait? 5 years from now I don't want to be stuck in the same old small town thinking about what I wish I could have done. The only thing stopping me was myself. I was letting my parents' excuses become my own and I was taught to keep asking "why not".

I made a collage in the beginning of camp that expresses my will to travel. Which is pictured above.

So I hope that anyone who reads this will learn at least a little bit of my message. Life is way too short to let it fly by. I want to start a campaign called IWILL. Maybe it'll catch on? Where anyone can do what they want so long as they have the passion and courage to fight for it.
Anyways! Tah-tah for now! I'm off to catch some zzz's! Hope you all have enjoyed your summers and good luck with school starting!

Mischief Managed.

7-25-11 Day ???

Too many things have happened since the last time I've updated and because I'm am too tired to type them all out now I won't. All you need to know is that I've been very busy, hence why I haven't updated as much. The kids here are great. I've been switched over to Relief staff which is a lot more relaxing and now I don't have to worry about missing out on laundry stuff. Anyways, I've got to go! Love you all!!


Mischief Managed

Camp--Day 21

Well there has been so much going on in my life. I've been at camp for 3 weeks now and I'm not sure how I feel. I'm 1/2 of the laundry staff and a bunk counselor for 7 girls. It's been really crazy and busy and frustrating and a million other feelings as well. My first full day here (during staff week) I wanted to go home. I had a breakdown filled with crying and called my parents saying I wanted to go home and that they should come get me. The head of my bunk suggested that I help out with the Creative Writing department which did help me not think about home. I haven't been able to help out since the first week though which isn't too bad. I've just been overwhelmed by stinky socks and gross underwear. Not to mention the "lovely" surprises in the pockets of the campers. o.O  The girls in my bunk are awesome. They drive me crazy and can be frustrating at times but at the end of the day we can all get together and act like a family once again. Two of the girls are leaving tomorrow night so tonight's bunk wind-down is going to be emotional (mostly for me). I've gotten to know these girls and they are such wonderful people. They are talented and each is unique.

One of the nicer things about being part of the laundry staff is I get a break from the campers. It's nice to be able to not have to watch what I say or pretend I'm super excited about the most mundane things. The area around the camp is quite beautiful. The farms and fields are something out of a movie and I find myself becoming calm whenever I go by. One of my least favorite things about the area are 1.) the bugs, and 2.) we're in the middle of nowhere! The most frequented stores are Wawa and Walmart. I'm really wishing I had my car so I could go home on my days off.

Another thing plaguing my mind recently is my love life...or lack of. I do have an interest however due to being in completely different countries, things aren't going as well as I'd like. I'm still really confused on how I feel, however, I'm learning to let myself be out there and see where things go. I have no idea if he even wants to give us another shot but I'm really hoping. Last time I was scared and didn't give myself the chance to see if it could turn into something great.

Well that's all for now, I need to head back to laundry! Hope everyone's days are better than mine and filled with unicorns and rainbows!!

Mischief Managed

Update: 6-24-11

SO I thought an update was needed since I haven't posted in quite a long time. I've been a camp for the past week...it's interesting to say the least. A new experience. I'm feeling a bit home sick today because I didn't have much to do. (also if there are any spelling mistakes sorry, I'm using a mac and it's way different than my HP) I quit my job at Kohls (yay!) and as stated earlier I'm working at a summer arts camp in southern NJ. I'm a bunk counsiler, laundry staff, and I'm also helping out the Creative Writing department. Anyways! I'll probs post up later today or tomorrow.

Misheif Managed.